


From A Certain Point Of View

by Adarian



Category: Dragon Age II
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-27
Updated: 2015-04-27
Packaged: 2018-03-26 01:28:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,162
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3832051
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Adarian/pseuds/Adarian
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Isabela gets captured for questioning before Varric and spins a tale to protect her love: one that is incredibly inaccurate and salacious. Written for a kink-meme prompt.</p>
            </blockquote>





	From A Certain Point Of View

Cassandra tossed Isabela in the chair. The pirate sat up, smiling through her split lip.

"I never knew Templars liked it so rough. It explains all the flagellation-"

"Enough! No more delaying. You have information that I need. If you give me what I need to know, I will let you go," Cassandra barked. "But not until then."

"Varric is the storyteller, not me," Isabela protested. "You got the wrong girl."

"You were who the Champion trusted most, loved most. If anyone knows what happened or where she is, you would."

Isabela bit her lip. Of course she knew where her lover was, safe and sound and headed to Ferelden. The longer head start Isabela gave her, the safer she would be.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Isabela laughed. "You clearly don't know me very well. I might have taken Hawke to bed once or twice, but I've taken half of Kirkwall to bed once or twice. Never a Seeker though..."

Cassandra pulled her knife out and pressed the edge into Isabela's throat. She gulped carefully and focused on the task at hand.

"You want the truth?" Isabela said finally. "Fine. Sit down, I'll tell you everything I know. So, Hawke was from Lothering, left with her mother and brother and sister. There was something to do with a dragon and an ogre. I never listened to that part. Wait, battering-ram was there! Okay, so Leandra, Aveline, Carver, and Hawke made it to Kirkwall. I think they worked at the Blooming Rose...the Hawke kids, not Aveline. Though Maker, I would have paid good coin for that-"

"The Champion of Kirkwall was a...prostitute?"

"Don't knock it, it's a noble profession," Isabela said. "Anyways, they did that for awhile. Then there was the expedition. So she picked all of us up, and I meant _picked up_ if you know what I'm saying. Hawke was a pro-fession-al. If you end up finding her, I suggest taking her out for a tumble. It's worth the finder's fee. Anyways. So there was Fenris, he was the broody thing but sooo hot. He and I spent most of those seven years doing it like rabbits. Umm...who else. Merrill, she was a sweet little thing, absolutely clueless, I had to keep my eye on her. Carver and Varric, I mentioned them. Then Anders! Oh he was a tall drink of water. Like boiling angry water with a bit of salt in it, but still. Sebastian, but he was no fun. Am I forgetting someone? I feel like I'm forgetting someone..."

"Get on with it!"

Isabela grinned. "Right. So we went down into the Deep Roads. Pleasant enough trip, despite the darkspawn, inevitable betrayals, and constant bickering between all the boys. The sexual tension there...Maker, you couldn't cut it with a knife. It would break the knife...anyways. There was this lyrium idol or something, drove everyone nuts. Varric's brother took off with it. Carver left for the Templars. Did you ever meet him? I've never met a man who needed to get laid more. Feisty little thing."

Cassandra sighed, "No, I have not. Go on."

Isabela continued, "Right. So the next few years were pretty busy. Fenris nearly got kidnapped, so that was fun. Anders killed a bunch of people and nearly went cuckoo for coconuts. Merrill was trying to fix this mirror-"

"Wait, what?"

"I know, I was all like, just buy a new mirror, right? Anyways, what else? Leandra died. Maker, that was a bad time. I think Hawke stayed drunk for like three weeks after that. Merrill and I basically ran behind her with a puke bucket and sheaths so she wouldn't do anything stupid. Well, toooo stupid. It was Hawke, after all. There were some issues with the Qunari, but no biggie-"

"No, go back. I know you were involved with the Qunari. You had a sacred tome of theirs, had stolen it for yourself, and then brought it back?"

Isabela lied, "No, I was captured. Clearly. Why would I do anything as stupid as that?"

"I have several witnesses that saw you come into that throne room and deliver the text yourself. The same witnesses who said that Hawke nearly fought to the death to save your life."

Isabela controlled her face as she said, "Yeah, of course they were going to say that. Aveline dragged me back by the scruff of my neck. Hawke did tumble around with the Arishok, but in the sack. Talk about fulfilling the demands of the Qun, am I right? I was gone for the next few years, so I have no idea what happened then. I think more people died. That seems likely."

Cassandra scoffed, "So what happened when you returned to Kirkwall?"

"Let me think...well, everyone was shacked up then. Varric and Merrill. Aveline and Sebastian. Fenris and Anders. Hawke and like eight different dudes. It was like a turnstile at the Hawke Estate, you know? I think it made Bodahn dizzy. Most of those pairs also switched up a few times, I'm not sure who ended up being with who."

"And you claim you were not in a relationship?"

"Why, are you interested?"

Cassandra grunted, "Continue."

"Right. So the mages and Templars were at each other's throats. Orsino and Meredith were on an "off" period in their on again off again thing. The city always suffered when neither of them were getting any and always found new ways to find...release. Seeker, the orgies that we had then...I remember this one time I went to a mage underground meeting with Anders. I've never seen so many penises in my life. And trust me, I have seen a looooot of cocks in my day-"

Cassandra blushed. "Get on with it."

"Fine. Anders blew up the Chantry, Hawke saved everyone's lives, the pair probably ran off into the sunset holding hands and having little mage babies."

"So...Hawke is with Anders...not you?"

Isabela lied, "Yeah, they probably went back to Amaranthine or something. Or Weisshaupt or wherever Wardens go. I dunno."

"But you said Anders was with Fenris. And at one point that you were with Fenris."

Isabela smirked. "We were a very close group."

Cassandra raised an eyebrow. "Is anything in your story true?"

"It's all true! Why would I lie to you? So you can fillet me like a fish?" 

"Perhaps your...perspective is not as accurate as I was hoping," Cassandra relented. 

Isabela shrugged. "I did the best I could."

"I have to admit, I am...disappointed. I heard such beautiful testimonies about that duel with the Arishok," Cassandra said. "I thought that only two people who really loved each other could be that selfless, so willing to die for the other."

"I guess true is less exciting than fiction," Isabela said. "Can I go now?"

"Yes."

Isabela stood, winking. As good as a bluffer she was, she still couldn't believe she pulled that off!


End file.
